Concepts: Love

First things first. How do you define 'love'?
You can't. Love is entirely based on self opinion and feelings. No-one can tell you what love is, they can only tell you their experiences and pray you don't make the same mistakes they did.
Sure, most people think of love as a bond of unconditional trust and care. That you would stay be them no matter what. Someone told me today ''If it's real love, then theres no fear. No regrets''
That's what gets me. Surely love is a form of total fear? A fear of losing the person you feel so strongly for. A fear that keeps you in check and spurs to to do anything to sate the fear of your significant other? Could that be it?
If there was a relationship with absolutely NO fear whatsoever, would that not be a bit strange? a bit like dating yourself, because you needn't worry if the other is thinking your actions are in the wrong. Sometimes they are. Sometimes they aren't. How do we find out? Simple. Ask. Get the guts and ask. Where do you get the guts from? The love, the fear or the paranoia that a single wrong move could lose the one you've loved for so long? Maybe a combination of all three. Maybe not. If it was that easy, oxford would have a dictionary definition for Love. Do they? I think not. It is an enigma in itself, the only emotion that cannot be correctly fathomed and explained. So why do we have it?
As an outlet? To have someone you can talk to no matter what? I wish i could do that. But i can't. Why? Is my love based on the fear of making a single wrong move, maybe because i fear of going too far and losing her forever.
Can i talk to someone else about it? Yes. Why? Because i have nothing to lose by telling them. So why is it different for her? Surely if it's love she'll stay by me no matter what i tell her. Is it worth the risk? Am i going to live in fear of her reading this and get the impression i'm in doubt? I suppose i could always delete/edit it. But that would defeat the point.
Sure, there's not a thing i wouldn't do for her. If i could, i'd tell her everything, just to get this pain over with once and for all. Before i can do that, or even promise to do that, i need to lose this fear of the consequences. However, if my love is built on fear, does that mean i'll lose that too? I don't believe it is, but this is only from my perspective, and through a determination not to disappoint. Is there a difference between a fearful relationship and a fearless one? Can i get from one to the other and bear my soul to the elements. Hang the consequences and get it over with.
A little known quote springs to mind here. ''Don't ask for it. Go out and win it. Do that and you will succeed.'' Do i do that, and take a risk? Normally i'm all for risks. Normally i don't care who/what gets hurt, especially me. Not this time. I haven't a doubt in the world that if it brings her hurt, i will not do it. So how do i stop the hurt i'm already causing her by not saying?
Another issue. Pressure. Endless pressure. Maybe thats where the fear is coming from. I feel that every move i make is pressuring her to follow suit, and if i go too far then she may snap. So what if she doesn't feel ready? I'm not so shallow as to ditch and run because she feels its not right. I would never dream of that. Nor would i dream of finding another outlet for such a thing while maintaining a façade of ''Don't worry, I'll wait.'' Loyalty, compassion, morals. All hinderances in such an area. Such merciful hinderances. No. Temptation cannot sway the truth of the heart. Temptation is for the weak, the fickle. Am i weak? Am i fickle? Perhaps, but still, i negate the concept of such disloyalty without a second thought.
I know in previous post's i've said you've changed me. And you have. But still not enough. Lend me your confidence? ''So let mercy come, and wash away, What I've Done''
I hope to god she reads this. And i pray she doesn't misunderstand the meaning of me writing this whole article.
This is my cry for help, for redemption and a rightful place by her side.

Save me. Before it's too late.